Loose Ends

Nobody knows this is the last chapter. I’m tired and empty and my life is a disaster. Abandonment loss and pain, I can’t try anymore it’s all in vain. This is the last chapter. Alone. I could try to hang on. But the motivation is gone. Let me sing you one last song. Loose ends are being tied, nobody can hear this suicide. I’m past the point of wanting to be saved, my heart is in pieces it’s the price I paid. My whole life has been a horror story, I’m afraid of everything the end is always gory. Loose ends I don’t want those I love to suffer, but will it be better when I’m gone like my mother? Close my eyes and say goodbye, don’t think twice because my mind, it lies. It tells me I’m loved and I should reach out for help but it tells me I should just kill myself. It’s all my fault everything horrible that’s happened to me. I’m the common denominator I’m the problem and I can see; the problem could be solved if I just leave. I don’t want to be a victim or a villain or a saint, I just want to be loved and seen and sane. I want to be a help and not a burden, I want to help heal everybody else’s hurting. But I’m not good as much as I try to be. I’m a curse with this burden inside of me. 

Loose ends. The only thing stopping me from ending it. Notebook and pen. Making plans. Nobody understands.