God damn fucking manic low

No more. This spinning wheel never goes anywhere. Small accomplishments I must praise as larger in my mind just to want to wake up again. I'm screaming in my head again. My life is not mine. Meaningless and empty. I want to run away but I cannot afford to. Amazing isn't it? Only the ghosts. I'm fading and I feel it. Only manic. Shhhh. The pain will fade you'll wake up again. It's just the low you knew was waiting. Hold on. To what? To fucking what? Anything? Everything? What if I can't hold on anymore? My hands are tired and my brain no longer wishes to try. I'm screaming again can anybody hear me? No. Am I real? No. Does it matter in the end? No. What if I'm just done? Because sometimes things don't get better.