Never a question

I see now it was never a question of love nor affection. My heart was with him but I had to learn the lesson. Fighting for reasons to stay, fighting myself trying to keep doubt at bay. Defending who I knew he could be, but tears on my cheeks fell as I felt incomplete. Did he ever really care to listen? My words seemed to be pointless. Another reason for him to be annoyed I guess, so I learned to be distant. The version of me I had to create, toned down and quiet, don't say it don't stir it or it's your fault we're fighting. Cruel and frigid, I knew the instant, he'd paint me with a different color and even admit it. I lost my voice but I made a choice, that never again would I lose myself for a boy.