Protecting my peace

 I really can't tell which part is worse, losing myself again because I put someone else first? Getting addicted to it as I tried to ignore the hurt? Blinded and numb when it all begun because feelings are strong and I didn't want to lose again. Avoidant I at least stayed a bit guarded, because my body and mind screamed at me "KEEP YOUR HEART HARDENED!" I didn't want to miss out on something amazing, so I gave away pieces of myself and took a mental picture while the red flags didn't phase me they just kept waving. Chances over and over, I'm trying to get sober from the tears and last year is fucking over. Lost and confused because my life started to not be mine, said I never go through that shit again but apparently that's a lie. Protecting my peace, I know he sees me, found family but afraid of loss, I can't tell you how I feel it's not worth the cost. 2022 and the shit I can no longer do, because this year is for me and I'm protecting my peace no matter what I do.