Leo

Of course, I ran into you. Why wouldn't you be there at the exact moment I was there when I hadn't even planned on going anywhere but home, but we made a stop. I sound upset, maybe I should sound upset so that I won't sound so happy. Happy that for a moment, after thinking I'd never see you again, preparing myself for my, 'post-Leo' eternity, there you were. I wasn't sure who saw who first and thought I'd just stay quiet to afford you an uninturrupted exit, uncomplicated, but we kept finding ourselves in the same spot. When at last you said hello, I was certain it was out of an obligatory gesture of "we've spoken before so I have to say hello so as to not make it awkward, but I really wish you weren't here." It couldn't have been that you wanted me to see you seeing me, or that you wanted to know you had not already forgotten me but conversation wasn't on the table. Though, conversation was never really on the table was it, Leo? Did you think I avoided you when I had because I hated you? I couldn't be around you, I couldn't let myself give into the little moments I was convinced it was something, but I knew. There was nothing. There is nothing. So why, am I here writing again? Why are you infiltrating my dreams again? Is it because I try so damn hard to supress this? I have to, right? I have to. So, I write this instead, because I can't care. I can't want. I can't have. So Leo, I hope you didn't watch as I watched you walk out the door, because it was your turn right? Were you mad at me, were my simple words not enough for you to forgive me for not being able to say goodbye and make sure you knew how much I fucking hated goodbye? Just to be slapped by the universe having to face you again, with still, no goodbye. Yes, watching you leave was the perfect punishment, not knowing if you cared that I was there, not knowing if you were mad. When, in reality, you probably didn't give it a second thought. You didn't decide after thinking for a little while whether or not you'd say hello at all. You couldn't be complicated like me, lost like me, wishing like me. Could you? Could we? No, but still, you won't stay out of my head.