I'm afraid of my mind

I'm afraid of my mind and let me tell you why, because it haunts me and kills me and still I survive, even though I die. It's a complicated mess when I talk back to my head because it's not a one way conversation and I can't go to bed. I stay awake instead, panic attacks and everything they said. My company doesn't even rest, usually they know what's best but nobody knows them just me and my friends. My friends not the ones you see.The ones that keep me company at 3, the ones who make me put down the bottle and breathe. The ones who I try to block out even though they wanna help me. The ones who live in here too, nobody sees them or hears but I do. Twenty-nine now and everytime I die more show up, they come into my space and tell me I'm enough, they try to lead me out of the mess but I don't give a fuck. I ignore them even though they've been here for me, my head is their home but I tell them to leave. I'm so fucking scared to show my D.I.D. so they hide and I don't seek.