Waiting to wake

Still waiting to wake up, is that all I'll ever do? Because I'm still stuck in this nightmare, this nightmare that I lost you. How can I snap myself out of this slumber, because if I start to believe it I quickly sink under. Tell me how long has it actually been give me the number, don't tell me when it couldn't be the 24th of December. No, because not long ago she was so alive, "you're not gonna lose me" replays in my mind. It's not Christmas Eve so it must be October, because I just can't believe that our life is over. Wake me from this dream I swear I'll stay sober, see the drinking was just a scream to show her, I needed her to get help just go to the doctor, but no this isn't real so wake me before I fall for the hurt. These types of dreams have plagued me since I was 6, always come in waves keep me up late make me feel sick. Dreams about death and the loved ones I could be losing, stayed up late most of my life but it wasn't my choosing. I just couldn't handle the thoughts so I kept distracted, now stuck in another one I must of slipped up and fell fast asleep, my eyes closed too tight they're fastened, now I gotta find a way to wake up from this fallacy.